This Thursday is Black Friday!!!

I was watching The Voice tonight when an ad came on for Sprint, "This Thursday is Black Friday!" I seem to have a vague memory that this Thursday was supposed to be something special, a day where we were going to do something, but for the life of me I can't remember what. If I close my eyes and concentrate there are images that fade in and out, they are gold and orange and there are smells, wonderful smells but I can't quite put my finger on it.

I have a faint recollection of people I know, gathering around some kind of platform, no wait, it's a table and there is laughter and something else, something I feel in my heart.... But instantly it is replaced with anxiety, with the new knowledge that this Thursday IS Black Friday and I need to get a list, and figure out where I can get some free stuff and amazing deals that I can use on the next big holiday, whatever that is.

Whenever I am confused or unclear I go to my refrigerator to eat, it makes me feel better. I am glad I did that this evening because it has all come back to me. There is a very large poultry in there, two heads of celery, 3 lbs of butter, 2 containers of sour cream, not to mention large tinfoil roasting pan sitting on top of the fridge with everything I need for our Thanksgiving feast. 

This is why I love the kitchen, it helps me remember what's important and what I am thankful for. I am thankful to have this room where friends and family gather to do the one thing that we have all done since the race began, to eat, to share a meal and in sharing our meal we share our day, our memories and our lives. All the best sales in town can never replace what happens here, when we get together on this Thursday and give thanks, not to the retail gods, but for each other.

Happy  Thanksgiving!

Global Designer Releases Fall Collection

While the rest of us have been trying to "have it all" and "balance" our lives the most famous designer on earth is quietly releasing her fall collection. 

Even I wouldn't have noticed, if I had not taken the time to look. Sometimes it seems we do have it all, we just need to stop and take a look....







Ooppss, forgot to get her assistant out of the picture!

 

Happy Saturday!!

Stop Telling Me What I Can't Have!

I wish people would stop telling women what they can and can't have... From the sound of it, Ann-Marie Slaughter did exactly what she wanted, needed or was driven to do, in her story; "Why Women Still Can't Have It All." We live is a world of customization and have been saying for decades one size doesn't fit all. So why don't we stop the she said, she said rhetoric and carry on in a way that works the best for us as individuals, not "us" as a gender or a movement?

Sheryl Sandberg stated in her interview on this subject, “Women are not making it to the top. A hundred and ninety heads of state; nine are women. Of all the people in parliament in the world, 13 percent are women. In the corporate sector, [the share of] women at the top—C-level jobs, board seats—tops out at 15, 16 percent.” Also, the Committee for Economic Development issued a report this week lamenting the lack of women directors in the U.S. and warning that America’s inability to do something about it could harm the country’s competitiveness. And that’s just the latest in a string of commentaries about this issue.

Here is the question I haven't heard asked of women.. Do you want to be on the board, are you dying for seat at the table? Maybe you're making choices based on our traditional model of working with an understanding that you can do better for yourself . Women have been leaving the traditional, male dominated C-suite for 20 years and creating their own workplace, a place I call the Pink-suite, where memories of this attitude towards women (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BA3uryDJzI0 )only exist on youtube.

Chronicles From the Suite

I am going to share a story from the Pink Suite, one of many that changed the mission and values in my life. It is June 24, 1993, my son had been sick for several weeks and I had taken him from one doctor to another, hoping to get an answer to his mounting pain and illness.

Finally, on June 26th, I receive a diagnosis. He had cancer, leukemia, not the traditional childhood cancer, but adult leukemia (T-cell ALL), that is rare in children of his age. But there was hope, we were at Children's Hospital in Minneapolis, finally a place where a cure could be found.

After the shock of the diagnosis my husband and I stayed in the hospital with Sam, holding him, grateful for the care he was about to receive, but we were unprepared for what was ahead. The next morning the doctors came in and explained that Sam would be put into a drug induced coma for 7 days wherein they would administer a lethal dose of chemo therapy the eradicate the cancer from his body. Would he survive? What to do? Argue? Question? Or just get it over with?

I can still see that day, carrying him to the operating room where they would put him under and implant his port. Reluctantly I handed him to the surgeon and Sam began to whimper, he was very weak. As the doctor took him from my arms Sam said "Mommy, nooo..." To this day I can see his little body draped over the doctor's shoulder, his scratchy voice calling to me. This is where I entered the place many mother's travel, this lonely zone where nothing else is relevant, nothing else matters, except my son.

While I took my place by his side something was happening outside the hospital walls, outside the drugs, the strain and the tears. The company, my company, that resided in the Pink Suite, carried on without me, without a question or a call. All carried on with consideration and respect for what was happening to Sam and our family. This was because I had employees who knew that nothing was more important, this coupled with my friends and my family who came together to insure that nothing would interrupt the important work that had to be done to save Sam.

This wasn't because there was a continuity program in place, I had no agenda, policy or plan that was designed ahead of time. This was a simple matter of trust and transparency, my dear coworkers would do what needed to be done so I could do what needed to be done. This defines the Pink Suite, this is where the difference comes between Work and Life. I know there are many, many women who can share a similar story. A story about a workplace they created, or participated in, that included everyone they worked with, that knew the priorities of life:

Faith
Family
Friends

It's these memories that keep me strong, knowing that those I work with are so much more than employees or clients or partners. They are my heart and soul who will not let me down, people I can trust without question when I need them and who I will not let down when and if the situation is reversed. And that is why I live here, in the Pink Suite, leaving behind what does not matter.

You can see from the picture that Sam is very well and a Junior at Mankato State University, majoring in IT Security.

Pink Suite or... Pink Collar?

I subscribe to Smithsonian magazine and thoroughly enjoy the eclectic mix of articles within each issue.  Recently, I read a profile of Lucy Jones, who is one of the foremost seismologists in the world today.  Lucy is 57 years old and grew up during the 50’s and 60’s when girls weren’t expected to pursue a career, let alone one in the sciences.  Lucy aced her high school science aptitude test, and her high school counselor accused her of cheating. In a quote from the article, the counselor stated, “Girls don’t get those kind of scores.”  Really?! Further, one of her other teachers suggested that she attend Harvard because “they have a better class of men to marry.”  She chose Brown and studied physics and Chinese but took a geology course during her senior year… the rest is history.   Jones eventually obtained a PhD in geophysics from MIT.  I guess “girls” can do well in science, what do you think?

In reading her story, I was reminded of an interesting story involving a colleague of mine – Dr. Janet Solomon.  Janet is a professor, a published author, an expert on financial planning and management.  Yet, in finding her way into a challenging and fulfilling career, she dealt with bias and obstacles similar to Lucy Jones. 

Janet’s Story

“I was a liberal arts student majoring in Germanic languages at Syracuse University in the 1960’s, but I had grown up the daughter of an economist and had heard economic and financial discussion at the dinner table all my life.  After my academic advisor insisted a girl was not eligible for admission to the business school, she forced me into an education minor so I would have a career if I didn’t get married and needed one (!).  My intention had been to use the languages to work at the U.N. or travel around the globe.

Despite her advice, I enrolled in the only two business courses that would accept a liberal arts student: economics and marketing.  While all the male business students struggled with the material, I enjoyed the course immensely and earned an A grade.  Although I also thoroughly enjoyed the first half of the marketing course, when the professor returned the graded mid-term exams and I got an A, he commented: “J. Stern is a girl?  A girl got an A?  I won’t let that happen again.” Then he turned to the entire class and said, “I don’t know why they let girls into these classes anyway.  They just take up space that belongs to the boys who will use their education.”  Turning back to me, he added, “From now on, you will sit in the last row, and I don’t want to hear a single word from you for the rest of the semester.”  I got a C for the course, as did the only other two girls in the class.  It really didn’t matter what we did on our papers and final exams.

After many years working in business, in 1973 I decided to go for my MBA degree. Not sure whether I wanted to major in marketing or industrial relations, I decided to visit the lead professors in each of these fields.  The marketing professor suggested that women might not be well suited for business and since I was married, I would probably be starting a family, so an MBA degree might not be as useful to me as perhaps a degree in home economics! 

Six years later, at a different university in a more sophisticated city, I discovered not much had changed when I decided to get a doctoral degree.  By 1979, I had acquired the MBA in labor relations and made the transition from industry to academia.  Once more I visited the lead professors in marketing and human resources.  This time the marketing guru wanted to know what exactly I was willing to do about his loneliness in order to get my Ph.D. in marketing?  His expectations were clear as his eyes traveled anywhere over my body except my face.  Now I was a few years older and wiser, so I responded that I would have to confer with my husband, who was a lawyer and a professor at the law school of the same university.  Would the marketing professor like to meet him?   There is nothing as sweet as a great comeback. I got the Ph.D. in human resources and labor economics, but what is it about marketing professors? “

Now, you might be tempted to say, “Okay, that was then but in today’s world, we women don’t have that type of bias to deal with.”  I say, don’t be too sure. 

Need I remind you of the famous Larry Summers debacle?  In January 2005, Larry Summers, at the time the President of Harvard University, gave a controversial lunch time speech to a group of Harvard faculty members on the topic of why there were few female professors in the science and engineering fields. He suggested that it was attributable to a "different availability of aptitude at the high end" between men and women, rather than patterns of discrimination or socialization. 

The good news:  the backlash was immediate and severe.  Larry Summers ended up with a “no confidence” vote by his Harvard colleagues and resigned from his position in 2006.  The bad news:  he publicly stated what I suspect many men and, dare I say, some women in positions of influence throughout our society – that is, academics, corporate and government leaders, legislators, etc., privately believe:  most women do best as “pink-collar” workers.  Give us a classroom of kids to teach and we’ll excel, offer us a job at a hair salon and we’ll make you look beautiful, put us on a talk show and we can gab with the best of them… just don’t ask us to understand the derivatives market or predict earthquake patterns, or discover a new medical protocol.  We just don’t have the intellect for that type of left-brain thinking. 

Is there any truth to the bias?  How do we break this pattern of belief that influences women from childhood on up?  What do you think? 

In The Beginning... There was Marriage

Several years ago my friend and colleague, Kathy Kadilak and I began collecting stories of women from "our generation" who were entering the workplace in the 60's, 70's and 80's.  Our mission was to curate these stories because we believe that in order to gauge where we're going, it's always good to know where we've come from. Creating a context of our journey so far is crucial to understanding why we want the things we want, and ultimately, how to get them.

This first story came from my Aunt Peggy

I thought I would grow up, get married, have children, and live happily ever after. I went to college, mainly to find a husband (although I'm not sure my parents saw it that way) rather than to educate myself for a career. I jumped around in different majors from music to undecided and ended up in English lit. It was a great major but as I saw it, it didn't really "train" me for anything, unless I wanted to go on to school and get a secondary teaching credential. No one ever suggested I go to graduate school and get a PhD so I could teach college English. I was an average student. But I know average male students who were counseled to attend graduate school.

In 1961 I began to panic toward the end of my senior year because I didn't even have a boyfriend, let alone a potential husband. That meant I was going to have to get a job and support myself. Most of my friends were education majors and were going to be teachers.

The college guidance counselor was determined to help me find a job and periodically gave me leads. I didn't follow up on most of them because I thought the jobs were beneath me. Then he told me Sunset Magazine was looking for an editorial assistant. Once I went to the interview, I knew I wanted that job. Fortunately, I got it and worked there for 21 years.

After 21 years I started a whole new career in fundraising and later, at the same place, in public relations and book publishing. Although my liberal arts college education didn't train me for anything specific, it did give me a good background for doing a variety of jobs. These jobs have been very fulfilling and, as a widowed mother, have allowed me to raise my daughter into a wonderful adult.

We will be sharing several more stories from this time, many with a similar theme in the beginning and always, for the story teller especially, an unexpected ending.

Despite the seemingly unchanged approach in which many people continue to work, i.e. traditional office setting, long hours and the expectation that to succeed it is essential that you play the part, we hope to show you that one by one, women have been breaking the mold.

Redefining Success

I recently read an article in Financial Post called Key to women entering the C-suite may just be a hero. I hate the idea of needing a hero to sweep the damsel safely into the palace i.e. C-suite. That’s right up there with all every woman really wants is a good man. In fact, all we really want is to be able to eat as much as we want without getting fat (I'm kidding!).

The premise of the article is that women greatly benefit from having a male sponsor as they work their way into the C-suite. The reality of this idea doesn't actually come as a surprise; if any one of us wants to gain access to an exclusive club we know it is best to go with someone who is already a member.

The article continues with research statistics: "The numbers are stark: while women make up 34% of senior management, they comprise only 3% of Fortune 500 chief executives. Meanwhile, in companies of more than 5,000 employees, 34% of senior management roles are held by women, but only 21% at the executive level." The article goes on to provide the question AND answer, "So why are women still facing an uphill battle? The answer lies in the expression, ‘It’s not what you know, it’s who you know.’ ”

This is where I take a right turn and the article takes a left. I believe it is what you know, not who you know that is driving women from the traditional, male dominated C-suite, into what I will call the Pink-suite. I left the traditional workplace for the Pink-suite 25 years ago to start my own company. I risked everything because, for me, that was easier than complying with the unbendable culture that I would have had to live in to get ahead.

I am joined by millions of women who have also chosen the challenging path of building their own companies verses working their way through the 20th century workplace while living in a 21st century world. This is why businesses, in which women who have 50% or more ownership, represent 46% of U.S. companies.1

"If you can't beat'em, join‘em" This is a message we have all heard, but the message this entrepreneurial trend delivers is, "If you can't join'em, leave them". Notice I don't say "beat them" because in the Pink-suite, it isn't about beating, it is about succeeding, not in the multimillion dollar, board member, private jet, CEO kind of success, but the success that comes with the freedom to define it for ourselves—to not measure success with same yardstick used by C-suite occupants.

This change, this trend, this revolution reminds me of a great country that was a world power for hundreds of years and then, one day, a small group declared their independence from the oppressive rule. This group started their own country, with different beliefs, different ideas of success and before anyone knew it… A new world power was born.

The Pink-suite Blog is dedicated to sharing stories from women who have defined success for themselves by stepping away from tradition and declaring their independence. Do you have such a story to share? Please let me know and we will share it in this blog.

1 The American Express OPEN State of Women-Owned Businesses Report - A Summary of Important Trends, 1997–2011 (http://media.nucleus.naprojects.com/pdf/WomanReport_FINAL.pdf)